Looking for a bike? Not just any bike, but a bike for sale that screams masculinity? Then you’ve stumbled upon the right place, my friend. I’m no “bike scientist” – whatever that is – but I am a man, and I’m selling my trusty steel steed. This isn’t some flimsy toy; this is a bike for sale built with metal and spokes that could probably stop a bullet (untested, but feels like it).
Yeah, yeah, the back reflector is gone. So what? Think that’ll stop me from owning the night? Please. I spent five years honing my ninja skills in the mountains of Japan. Rule number one of ninja biking? Reflectors are for chumps who want the enemy to see them. No reflector? That’s a declaration of war to every car on the road. It’s saying, “Try and hit me, I dare you.” This bike for sale is for those who laugh in the face of danger.
It’s got “Giant” plastered on the side. Now, some might think that’s about the brand. Wrong. It’s a subtle nod to the sheer size of… well, you get the picture. And don’t worry if you’re not as… gifted. The “Giant” label stays. It’s aspirational. I bought this beast of a bike for sale from a retired mercenary. This guy was a legend – fought in both World Wars, and lost an arm to a shark while handling them in the Philippines. Shark handler! Try topping that story. To even buy this bike for sale, I had to arm wrestle him. Broke his arm in seven places. He was so impressed, he wanted to adopt me. Said no, of course. Too soft.
Sure, there’s some rust on the screws. But that’s not rust, that’s character. Those “rusted” screws tell a story. They whisper tales of underwater adventures, of biking through raging rivers, of conquering the impossible. Rusted screws on a bike for sale? That screams badass. You could replace them with shiny new ones, I guess. But if you’re even considering that, maybe this bike for sale isn’t for you. Maybe you should just go punch yourself in the… well, you know. This bike for sale is for men, not… those other guys.
Speaking of men, the seat is flat. Manly flat. Not one of those dildo-shaped seats for… well, you know. This bike for sale is all about business. No unwanted… interactions with your backside. Just pure, unadulterated biking.
I’ve hit 75 mph uphill on this bad boy. Seventy-five! Uphill! You might only manage 10 mph if you’re just “regular.” But this bike for sale has potential. It’s listed as a street bike, but let’s be real, it’s a bike tank. A street-legal tank.
And the gears? Seven speeds of pure, unadulterated power:
- Gear 1 – Sissy Gear
- Gear 2 – Less Sissy Gear
- Gear 3 – Least Sissy Gear
- Gear 4 – Boy Gear
- Gear 5 – Pre-teen Boy Gear
- Gear 6 – Manly Gear
- Gear 7 – Big Muscles Gear
I stick to 6 and 7, naturally.
And to top it all off, you get a lock. Not just any lock. A lock the size of a bull’s… you know. This lock doesn’t just secure your bike for sale; it sends a message. It tells any would-be thief, “Touch this bike, and you’ll be picking your teeth up with broken fingers.” It’s a statement.
Bike for sale for $150 or best offer. And don’t come at me with any “panzy prices.” This is a bike for sale for men, remember?
OBO (Or Best Offer)
Price: $150
No trades, no lowballers, and definitely no services or commercial interests.
Contact if you’re man enough.
